I’ve heard countless accounts of someone winding up blackout drunk at their own wedding. As our big day approached, I kept these anecdotes in mind – steering clear of feeling like I’d be missing out on the celebration if I didn’t have alcohol in my system.  There was nothing more motivating than realizing I could have complete control of my actions and ability to remember the day from beginning to end.  I envisioned having all the “feels” while getting ready, walking down the aisle, and celebrating our love with almost 200 of our family and friends.

I had a few people question whether it was going to be a dry wedding.  Definitely not!  I was not in the business of controling anyone elses’ actions, except my own. However,  I had become increasingly aware of just how prevelent and necessary it feels for alcohol to be involved in celebrations of any kind.  Societal norms, I suppose.  Actually, after a long, hard week at work I will still catch myself finding it hard not to romanticize about “winding down” with wine, or a cocktail.  I know over time that feeling and desire will be replaced with better plans – such as being active, visiting with family or friends, and just enjoying my time being present and fully aware.

Anyway.  Back to wedding day! We started the morning with an amazing workout in the yard of the house we stayed at.  Our trainer/friend from our gym came and taught us some cardio and then yoga. After that, it was time to say “bye” to Jen; then with the company of my mom and bridesmaids, we had breakfast, rotated through showers, and had our hair/makeup done.  I felt so incredibly at ease.  Although I was prepared with “Fre” brand fake champagne, and some NA beers – I truly was not focused on a drink, and was soaking in each and every moment.  I felt grateful for my strength, and for my people near and dear to me that were respectful of my decision to be alcohol-free.

My heart grew in infinate sizes from each event to the next, and by the end of the afternoon – we were married!! It was pretty incredible that with all the excitement, I actually have moments where I feel as if I were blacked out – but perhaps it was just because of all the excitement, and me being up on a pink cloud 9!!  There was a packed dance floor late into the night (my dream), singing (Jen’s dream), smiling, and over-all incredible feelings.  It could not have gone any better.  We ended the evening with jumping into the pool in our outfits, and it was probably the third best decision decision of my life.

 Best decisions of my life:

1. Marrying Jen Born
2. Quitting drinking
3. Jumping in a pool in my wedding dress

OK – so maybe number three will be interchangable when things happen throughout my life – but I am sure number  one and two will remain consistent!

So much love

❤

Carey

 

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Three things that could potentially sabotage sobriety, no matter who you are….

1.) Summer Weather. 2.) Your Own Wedding. 3.) An Italian Honeymoon.

Knowing this may take up some space, I decided to split it into a [3] separate blog series.

1.) Summer Weather – First experience sans alcohol.

This is first on the list because it was the first thing this year that really threw my confidence in sobriety for a loop.  I’d been doing just fine.  Interacting via my online community (barely), flexing my sober muscles, and really not giving much thought about not drinking. After 9 months without, I felt as if I was getting a grip on my day to day intention – and succeeding. Then, the way it always is here in Rochester, spring came, and then rapidly turned into summer….

So, I wanted some god damned white wine with fruit in it. 

         Because that is just the way it is when the weather turns nice. Your romantic brain swoons over porches, hammocks, and an ice cold beverage in hand to create a giddy kick into the “summertime and the livin’s easy” mentality.  I survived these urges – explored more mocktails, drank an ice cold NA beer, and leaned on my love to remind me why I am where I am.  It had not occurred to me until Jen called it out – but I stopped drinking in August last year.  That meant, the beginning of summer had already come and gone while I was still drinking.  I’d had my last hurrah of welcoming it with wine (or whatever I wanted), and I didn’t even know it at the time.  Ah-ha! That was an absolute revelation.  The impact weather can have on our emotions, traditions, and our future – is forever out of our control at times.  I was grateful for the learning experience, and the fact that I didn’t throw it all out the window. It goes to show, that the truth still is, there is something positive to anticipate when you lean into discomfort.

I do wonder – will every birth of summer feel this way? I’ll keep you posted 😉

❤